


I Need Help

by markhyuck6_6



Series: Nct Oneshots [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Friends to Lovers, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Needs a Hug, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Purging, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:41:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28431075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuck6_6/pseuds/markhyuck6_6
Summary: Donghyuck is scared that he has BED. He confines his friend. It doesn’t go the way he hoped.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Series: Nct Oneshots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040465
Kudos: 34





	I Need Help

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this story does not correspond/apply to real life. This is work is fiction and for entertainment purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please understand that I do not mean to antagonize anyone or anything in real life and do not mean any type of offense whatsoever. Also, I am not perfect at writing so please excuse me for any mistakes. I am not an expert in eating disorders so please excuse any inaccurate information.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of purging and eating disorders. The character also suffers from self hatred. Please read at your own will.

Donghyuck doesn’t even know when it started. He guessed it went downhill after he wanted to try to lose some weight. It wasn’t even extreme, he just wanted to shed a few pounds before the comeback which is typical for an idol. He cut his caloric intake and a week later, he was elated to see the numbers be on the scale decrease by 4 pounds.

But then, the next week, he immediately rebounded. He got stuck in an endless cycle of losing weight and binge eating and gaining it all back in a few days. Hopeless, he went online and searched for answers. The first thing he saw had him shocked:

_ BED (Binge Eating Disorder) _

_ “Frequently consuming unusually large amounts of food in one sitting and feeling that eating behavior is out of control” _

Donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows, he didn’t know that binge eating could be a disorder. He did more research, even taking tests to test for possibilities of getting the said eating disorder.

_ 28 out of 48 _

_ Severe Risk _

Donghyuck’s eyes widened and he froze, not knowing what to do about the newly learned information.  _ I’ll have to pay more attention to what I eat. _ Donghyuck thought to himself.

~~~

That was easier said than done. After one more week of restricting, followed by more binge eating. Even worse, the binges became more and more frequent. It got to the point that Donghyuck had given up and ate whatever he wanted but then followed up with self hate. He hated himself so much, that his willpower was so weak. Then, everything changed that one fated day.

Mark was just eating his watermelon. Donghyuck, having just finished his binge, went to the upper floor to get distracted from his self pity. Spotting Mark eating a yellow watermelon (leave it up to Mark to find weird kinds of watermelon), he immediately decided to eat a little.

A little. That’s how much he promised he’ll eat. But as soon as he took a bite of a cube of juicy watermelon, he lost control. He couldn’t help but take cube after cube until he wolfed down the rest of the watermelon with Mark staring at him weirdly. Finally noticing what he did, Donghyuck left the floor, feeling self conscious.

Soon, his stomach started aching. Thinking that it was just from eating too much, Donghyuck dismissed it. That was until his stomach started flipping and he rushed to the bathroom, throwing up all of the food he binged.

He stood up from the toilet and looked in the mirror. Lifting the shirt, he was strangely overjoyed when he saw that the baby bump he just developed had flattened down.  _ I just binged, but now my stomach is flat since I threw up. Should I do it again? _

Donghyuck shivered at the thought of throwing up again. He always hated the feeling of vomiting, and never liked the sound of it either. But then, he couldn’t help but think that his previous episode of vomiting wasn’t as bad as he remembered it to be. He had a strange impulse to do it again, but naturally of course. He had to find out why he threw up in the first place.

The first answer that came to his mind was bad food combinations. He smirked at what popped up:

_ Milk: all melons…  _

He knew that he drank a lot of milk before eating all of Mark’s watermelon. That must’ve been it. But then, he groaned when remembered that he finished Mark’s watermelon. Scrolling through the options, he looked for possible candidates:

_ Milk: all melons… yoghurt…  _

Looking at the combination of milk and yoghurt, Donghyuck was a bit confused. They were both dairy though. Shrugging off the thought, Donghyuck thought it was worth a try.

~~~

The next day, Donghyuck allowed himself to indulge in any type of food he wanted, knowing that he was going to throw up later. Preparing his yoghurt and milk, he ate it together, making sure to eat it slowly so the combination can “sink into his body.”

Soon enough, his stomach started hurting. He rushed to the toilet and kneeled in front of the toilet, waiting patiently for the food to come back up. But it never did. Donghyuck panicked.

Without thinking, he took his toothbrush desperately and shoved it down his throat. Obviously, he never had any experience, so he didn’t push it down hard enough. He took out the toothbrush, now covered with saliva and looked at it confused. Why didn’t it work? Trying again, he pushed harder. Still didn’t work. Finally, he pushed the toothbrush so far that he was basically choking from it.

He gagged, but nothing but saliva came out. He stared at the clean toilet and the realization of what he did sunk in. He threw away the toothbrush and crouched in the bathroom, quietly crying. He needed help. A lot of help.

~~~

Donghyuck knew that that was the breaking point for him. He was aware of how damaged he was, damaged to the point of purging. He was never fond of the thought of purging, thinking that it was scary that someone would push their hand into their throat to vomit, but here he was, doing it himself.

He knew countless idols who scarred themselves with eating disorders, and he didn’t want to end up as one of them. He was always a person who understood the limits, and this breaking point was the peak of this situation.

Gathering up the courage, he asked Mark if he could sleep in his room. Luckily, Mark gave into his pleas and listened to Donghyuck’s worries. He showed the older his research, his test results, and his experience (leaving the purging out). Mark looked at Donghyuck’s heartbroken expression and sighed. Taking the now crying boy’s hand, he spoke, but they weren’t the words that Donghyuck wanted to hear: “I don’t think you have a binge eating disorder. I know you and I don’t think you have an eating disorder. Yes, you may binge, but it’s not severe enough to become an eating disorder.”

Donghyuck was relieved that the room was dark and Mark couldn’t see the shock on his face. He explained worries just to have Mark say that? He thought that Mark would help him, comfort him, and solve his problem, not tell him that this whole issue didn’t exist. Having nothing left to say, he muttered and “Thanks” before hurrying out of the bedroom.

Once he was on his own bed, he huffed, he felt betrayed. Mark was supposed to be his soulmate, he should be able to understand his problems. From what he saw, Mark was telling him that his binges were normal, that his worries were just false alarms, that he spent all those sleepless nights worrying over nothing.  _ If Mark won’t help me, then I’ll have to do this myself. _

~~~

That’s exactly what Donghyuck did. At least, that’s what he thought. He thought he was helping himself by keeping a planner to make sure he doesn’t go overboard. He thought restricting more calories would do the trick. It didn’t.

Donghyuck had his week all planned out, making sure his caloric intake didn’t go above 300 calories, and that he had a decent amount of physical exercise everyday, which wasn’t hard considering that he always had dance practice. By the end of the week, he had hit his lowest weight ever since debut, and he was delighted when he saw the number.

Obviously, everything went downhill after that. He lost control over everything, scarfing down anything he could see. In two days, he had rebounded and weighed even more, and once again, he had fallen down the hole of binge eating.

~~~

Mark had noticed that Donghyuck was acting pretty depressed lately. He also had a strange relationship with food. Usually, he would eat all the time, and eat a lot every time he eats. But now, he avoids food like a plague, other than that one incident with the watermelon. What’s even funnier is that their always full pantry would suddenly go empty the very next day.

The more Mark thinks about it, the stranger he thought it was. Was it just a coincidence? Or was this related to Donghyuck’s “eating disorder”? When Mark first heard the younger’s worries, he thought that his best friend was just overthinking. So Mark, trying to ease Donghyuck’s mind, tried to tell him that he didn’t have that disorder he was talking about. After all, he sometimes knows Donghyuck does himself.

Donghyuck has always been someone who loved food, and it wasn’t like he’s fat either, so Mark found it weird that the younger had a problem with food. He knew that things were starting to get out of hand when Mark noticed Donghyuck’s hopeless expressions. He went online and did some research himself, and that’s when Mark realized his mistake.

Most binge eaters don’t like eating in front of others. That’s why Mark’s never seen Donghyuck binge before. He was too embarrassed to do so. That’s also the answer as to why the pantry always mysteriously empties so quickly. He remembered what he had said and regretted it. Donghyuck had gone to him for comfort, not to tell him to ignore his worries. He was just telling him to avoid the problem itself instead of actually fixing it. God, he’s such an idiot at times.

That night, he decided to confront the other to check up on Donghyuck’s binging worries. He pulled the younger away, ignoring his protests. Luckily, it hasn’t been long since their last conversation so Mark had confidence that he could help Donghyuck properly this time. Though he couldn’t exactly define what properly meant, he just wants to help Donghyuck in the way he’s comfortable with, not what Mark thinks is right for him.

“Hyuckie, I noticed that you’ve been looking down recently. Is it because of what I said last time? I’m so sorry. I should’ve known. I did more research on that binge eating disorder you told me about and I’m ready to help you in any way possible. Just tell me how you want me to help you and I’ll do that,” Mark pleaded to a blank faced Donghyuck.

After hearing what Mark said, Donghyuck bursted into tears, crying and threw himself at Mark. Surprised, Mark wrapped his arms around the younger and patted his back. “Thank you Mark, I don’t know what to say. I was so hopeless for a while, and here you are comforting me. I just want to regain my good relationship with food and be able to eat without worrying about calories or gaining weight anymore.”

“And I will do everything in my power to help you achieve that,” Mark hugged the sobbing Donghyuck and out of impulse, kissed his forehead. Donghyuck looked up shocked, eyes still filled with tears.

“Mark, why did you just do that?” He sniffled, and Mark internally panicked, not knowing how to confess his very long secret crush he had on the younger. “Mark?”

Mark looked at Donghyuck’s confused face, eyes wide and pouty lips.  _ He’s so adorable. Oh my god. I want to date him. You know what? Screw it. _ “I like you. Like more than a friend.”

Donghyuck looked at the older, surprised, but more than pleased. “Me too…”

Mark blinked at him “Wait w-what? Come again?”

“I-I said, I like you too,” Donghyuck said shyly.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

~~~

It took a while. Okay, no, it took a long time. But they got there. Mark had convinced him to tell the other members too, in which everyone supported him and helped him out in any way. After more than a year of battling with food, Donghyuck, with the help of the rest of the group, finally was able to eat without worries and finally got himself out of the godforsaken binging cycle. He was finally free from restrictions and capable of loving food for what it is once again.


End file.
